Outlander confessions…..Claire intimidates me

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So…I have a confession…Claire intimidates the sh** out of me! She is one of the strongest pragmatic women I “know”.  I love her, I’m just not sure we’d ever be friends. I think I would always feel like I was standing in the shadow of the sun that is Claire waving my arms saying “yoo hoo” standing here too!  It’d be tough to compete, the woman is just, well..

For instance, what man is going to look at you if Claire is in the room? Evidently, she oozes so much sex appeal that men just drop their breeks moments after meeting her! (at least that’s what Jamie says). I don’t know about you, but I’ve never experienced spontaneous male pants dropping when I sashay into a room. You can’t even say “well at least I’m smarter” cuz you’re not…mumble… Doctor…makes her own penicillin…mumble…mumble…

And…Jamie…sigh…she gets Jamie. If I’m honest…and I am…I’m not green with envy…I’m practically… verdant! Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband; he is a caring man with integrity and I’m very proud to be his wife.  But, Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ…..Claire gets…Jamie! What woman wouldn’t be envious of that after eight books. I was in love by about by the time he took a beating for she who shall remain nameless.

And talk about intimidating, how about her bad-ass factor?! Can’t think of the last time I used a dining room table to operate on a man’s testicles or managed to slit a buffalo’s throat with an amputation saw. In fact, I think the last bad-ass thing I did was drink a coffee… black. See? It’s tough to compete with the woman Jamie calls Sassenach. And what about THAT!? The whole Sassenach thing?! She speaks with a lady-like accent, looks like a delicate English flower AND gets a cool nick-name?! My only nickname might have to do with the physical expansiveness of my bum. And what about THAT! I get derogatory comments about the size of my bottom. But Claire? She gets praised for evidently having the “roundest arse” Jamie has ever seen.
And can we talk about Claire and gravity? EVIDENTLY, she has some sort of gravity defying…thing. In the twenty years between Outlander and Voyager her bum and boobs haven’t sagged and having a child has only left little silvery feathery stretch marks. Really…. really!? Gravity has NOT my been my friend. My bum and boobs may have traveled to a different zip code ( slight exaggeration…around the block maybe). And my last baby? two foot long, ten pounds, twelve ounces …need I say more?
” Claire Randall Fraser a sexy gravity defying round arsed bad-ass to which all other women pale in comparison”

Bless her heart.