I have a love hate relationship with social media. I love that I’ve “met” so many wonderful people from all over the world. I hate the time suck. I love that I can get different people’s perspectives at the drop of an @. I hate the power anonymity gives some people to be mean.  I love some of the fun and unusual topics we discuss like…today.  I was strolling through my feed this morning and was alarmed to see that Terry Dresbach was stuck in traffic in Scotland because of flooding.  Local fans were quick to give her information about possible redirection and to keep her company while she and Cuilean waited.

I occasionally checked to see how things were progressing and to add my two cents to the convo.

I crack myself up! *giggle snort*

During my lunch, I was relieved to see that Terry had made it home and she and the puppy were getting prepared to snuggle up with some cocoa and a warm blanket and watch and I quote “a good old-fashion disaster movie”.

This began a convo about the attraction to disaster movies.

For some reasons, Terry and others believed I would be and I quote “one of those tenacious apocalypse survivors”.

See?

They couldn’t be more wrong.  Please let me explain why I’d probably be the first to go.

1. I can’t run and I have no athletic prowess.  Not even if my life depended on it, so…yeah…I’m zombie food.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE THAT SUPPORTS MY HYPOTHESIS: On our third date, ( note the 3, the 3rd, thrice time) he had been in my presence, my future husband took me to an amusement park.  As we were pulling into the parking lot he said and I quote, “try not to trip today”. To which I replied “I’ll try” knowing full well there was no way I could remain vertical for more than two hours straight.  He married me anyway which just goes to prove that love is blind and maybe even slightly stupid.

2. I’m gullible. I have an alarming lack of suspicious nature.  I truly want to believe in the goodness of mankind. My car broke down and I need to use your telephone. Sure come on in.  No, really sardines are great! Okay, give me a double portion. I promise I’ll be able to stop.  Meet your daughter.

VIDEO SIMULATION THAT REPRESENTS MY GULLIBILITY AND STRENGTHENS MY ARGUMENT:  Candygram? I would soooo open the door.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/landshark/2832305

3. I’m too empathetic. From the little bit I’ve seen and heard, empathy doesn’t seem to have a real place in disaster survival.  Someone needs help? Oh well, says the survivor of the Titanic.   I. couldn’t. do. that. Just not in my nature.

ANOTHER REAL LIFE EXAMPLE OF MY UNSUITABILITY FOR SURVIVAL:  I took a college religion and ethics class taught by a priest.  About the third day of class, a young man asked to speak to the padre.  As the two talked at his desk in the front of the room things began to get heated. The next thing I knew the young man was pushing the father and threatening him.  I jumped up and got between them and started to try and drag the young man from the room.  What I learned very quickly was that it had all been pretense, an experiment to show how people were afraid to get involved.  The father said he didn’t think anyone would help (his teaching methods are a topic for another day’s discussion).

4. I’m no McGyver.

I don’t want you to believe that I have no skills that could help in a survival situation.  I’ve gone camping.  I can bait my own hook.  But, I’d be the first to admit that my skills set runs more toward the… academic.  I’m great at making do, but building, planning for an invasion, figuring out multiple uses for chewing gum, can openers or shaving cream is not my forte.  If there is ever a disaster that requires someone to read 10 books pull out all the most important information and then write a twenty page paper then I’m your girl!

5. Even if I was prepared…it wouldn’t make a difference.  Once upon a time, I worked in a prison with drug and alcohol addicted felons.  Part of the training for this job included spending two-weeks at a police academy learning about prison culture, laws, being able to shoot a gun and learning self-defense.  I graduated at the top of the class. Really! I did!  I have the graduation pin to prove it!  I was excited to come home and show my husband I could take care of myself!  To demonstrate my newly learned skills, I asked my son if he would pretend to be a prisoner and attack me.  I had this little dream scenario where my 6ft. athletic son would be on his knees helpless under my pressure point applied move.  Yeah…not so much. I did everything I’d been taught and yet, I was the one on my knees in pain.  I said and I quote “I’m dead”. Which I believe is the point I was originally trying to make!

Should a blockbuster movie disaster come my way, I’d try to survive, but I really wouldn’t bet on it if I were you.